sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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