Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
