Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
