I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm just crazy horny about you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
