I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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