I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
