tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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