I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
