Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
