It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
