Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
