I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
