I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
That's when you crack a 10am beer
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
