i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
