I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
