so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
