I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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