Where are you?
In a non slutty way
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
