Non-Jews are for practice
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i out mim tonsoeep
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