Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
