I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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