you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
