When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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