She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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