We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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