Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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