sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
