Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
