His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
