for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
