16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
