I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My vagina just recognized that song.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
