I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
