You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
