Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
