I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
