So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
