It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looked like the before picture.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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