we were pretty classy up until the second keg
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
