I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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