Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
