I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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