Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
