i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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