Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to calm my uterus...
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