the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
