I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
