he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
