also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
