Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
