I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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