She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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