fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
