reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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